Circles and Bags

My long standing companion Insomnia has well and truly taken hold this week! The circles under my eyes are black and the bags are something that Louis Vuitton would be proud of! I'm grumpy, tired, moany, headachy and generally feeling out of sorts. But don't let that put you off reading!

What's really annoying is, I really thought I was starting to crack it. I've enjoyed nearly 3 months of glorious, regular, and undisturbed sleep patterns. I suppose it was too much to ask for this to continue!

In a way, I was prepared for this to happen and in this week of all weeks. Although I don't spend the day of the anniversary of mum's death slumped in a corner and sobbing, I would be less than human if I didn't give some thought to the events of 9 years ago on that day. The nights of the 26th/27th April have never been up there on my list of best nights sleep!

But this isn't the only reason for my insomnia at the moment. If I'm honest, I think the whole moving and re-locating process is starting to worry me too.

I'm lucky, very lucky. In these depressing economic times when the government seems determined to remove the Great from Great Britain I am in a lucky position. I have a good, stable, well paid job - and it's a job that I love. I never have to worry where the next pay cheque will come from, I never have to worry if my hours will suddenly be slashed, I never have to worry that my job could end tomorrow. But on July 21st that is exactly what will happen.

I will walk away from a school I love all in the name of Better Living. If everything works out well, I'll find a new school up here and be able to continue my selfish and on occasion adventure filled life style. But as the day draws ever closer I have to admit to some qualms and if I'm honest downright attacks of the wobbles. I'm a fiercely independent girl and the thought of losing that scares me, terrifies me and worries me.

Which is why having woken up at 1.42am, 3.15am and 5.31am. I decided to give up on the whole idea of sleep and just get up and write. It won't help me to sleep but it helps to keep me sane and in the absence of sleep that will just have to do...