Mum would have been 66 today. Knowing her, she would have been having a few friends and family around to the house to enjoy one of her amazing spreads. There would have been an array of sandwiches, savouries, snacks, cheeses and puddings to devour. And it would all have been washed down by a stiff gin and lemonade.
It's hard to believe that it's now ten years since we lost her. The pain is no longer as raw and savage. The hurt has faded to a dull ache and one that doens't always make itself known on a daily basis. But it is there nontheless.
I shall be visiting the Crem this morning with one of mum's favourite books. I intend to sit in the sun (yes the yellow orb has decided to grace us with his presence) reading by her plaque. I will probably have a little chat too.
But of course, it's not the same as the daily contact, phone calls etc that you get from the living. I miss her dreadfully. And especially during the times when I need to make important decisions. Her advice was always sound; well thought out, practical, rational.
I need her advice now. I need her to reassure me that everything will be ok.
So Happy Birthday mum. I'll be enjoying a gin in your honour tonight. xx
Thursday 25 August 2011
Monday 22 August 2011
The Creative Mind
Hello again,
I haven't blogged in ages!!
Life has been quite exciting, fun, enjoyable and laughter filled of late. And if I'm totally honest that's why the writing has died off. It's funny isn't it? Some people only find their creative pen when they are in some kind of emotional upheaval. The other day I was taking part in a topical debate with someone who we'll call the Funky Drummer. I pointed out that sometimes artists, musicians, writers etc seem to have an optimum time in their lives when they really create from the heart. Once life becomes more peachy, the anger, frustration, upset, depression and downright need to have something to occupy or save them lessens and this is reflected in their work.
Look at Queen I told him: They wrote some truly brilliant stuff when they were young, skint and being ripped off by managers and labels alike. Nobody wanted to take them seriously. And yet it is the earlier material that stands out against the later songs. Songs that were written in the lap of luxury. Songs that were written in the comfort of knowing they need never work again. Complacency and contentment are things we all strive for but they don't always lead to the most creative output of our lives.
The Funky Drummer is a musician himself and has so far written two very different but good CD's. He's currently working on his third album. I hope he achieves his end but part of me is sad. Our relationship was going soundly. No rows or arguments, great fun and laughter, days out, camping trips away, all quite tickity boo! Part of me is very aware that in order to finish his third album being in a happy relationship was not conducive to this process.
Note to self - musicians are probably not the best people to have meaningful relationships with. Musicians are very driven and focused on achieving that ultimate musical high. Deep down I have to face the fact that I am holding him back. As he battles with feelings that are going to suffocate him if he doesn't free them I have to do the hardest thing - walk away. There's been no argument, no hissy hysterics, no name calling or back biting. As break ups go it's terribly civilised. It's been more than great while it lasted. He has achieved the impossible - made me feel good about myself, made me feel gorgeous and attractive, made me laugh constantly, made me enjoy life. He is warm, kind, generous, funny, sexy, smart, attractive, caring, creative. So why are we breaking up I hear you ask? Well that's the million dollar question! It's just not right at the moment I need to give him space and time to find the words within him and set them free. If we are meant to be, we are meant to be! And our paths may well cross again. But either way, he has honestly restored my faith in men. - just not in musicians!
And so as I prepare myself for the life of singledom once again (it really is getting quite boring) I find that my creative voice is returning too. My need to spill words onto a page is almost overwhelming. But it has to be said given the choice between a lifetime of singledom or a lifetime of happiness I know which I'd take. And that is exactly why I am not a musician!
And so it begins again....
I haven't blogged in ages!!
Life has been quite exciting, fun, enjoyable and laughter filled of late. And if I'm totally honest that's why the writing has died off. It's funny isn't it? Some people only find their creative pen when they are in some kind of emotional upheaval. The other day I was taking part in a topical debate with someone who we'll call the Funky Drummer. I pointed out that sometimes artists, musicians, writers etc seem to have an optimum time in their lives when they really create from the heart. Once life becomes more peachy, the anger, frustration, upset, depression and downright need to have something to occupy or save them lessens and this is reflected in their work.
Look at Queen I told him: They wrote some truly brilliant stuff when they were young, skint and being ripped off by managers and labels alike. Nobody wanted to take them seriously. And yet it is the earlier material that stands out against the later songs. Songs that were written in the lap of luxury. Songs that were written in the comfort of knowing they need never work again. Complacency and contentment are things we all strive for but they don't always lead to the most creative output of our lives.
The Funky Drummer is a musician himself and has so far written two very different but good CD's. He's currently working on his third album. I hope he achieves his end but part of me is sad. Our relationship was going soundly. No rows or arguments, great fun and laughter, days out, camping trips away, all quite tickity boo! Part of me is very aware that in order to finish his third album being in a happy relationship was not conducive to this process.
Note to self - musicians are probably not the best people to have meaningful relationships with. Musicians are very driven and focused on achieving that ultimate musical high. Deep down I have to face the fact that I am holding him back. As he battles with feelings that are going to suffocate him if he doesn't free them I have to do the hardest thing - walk away. There's been no argument, no hissy hysterics, no name calling or back biting. As break ups go it's terribly civilised. It's been more than great while it lasted. He has achieved the impossible - made me feel good about myself, made me feel gorgeous and attractive, made me laugh constantly, made me enjoy life. He is warm, kind, generous, funny, sexy, smart, attractive, caring, creative. So why are we breaking up I hear you ask? Well that's the million dollar question! It's just not right at the moment I need to give him space and time to find the words within him and set them free. If we are meant to be, we are meant to be! And our paths may well cross again. But either way, he has honestly restored my faith in men. - just not in musicians!
And so as I prepare myself for the life of singledom once again (it really is getting quite boring) I find that my creative voice is returning too. My need to spill words onto a page is almost overwhelming. But it has to be said given the choice between a lifetime of singledom or a lifetime of happiness I know which I'd take. And that is exactly why I am not a musician!
And so it begins again....
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